They Both Begin with “I”

Isolation – an act or instance of detaching or separating so as to be alone.

Interdependence – mutually dependent; depending on each other.

Which is scarier? Your answer speaks volumes about your life until now. We are probably most comfortable with those things that are most familiar. For me, it’s isolation. I kinda like being alone – except for when it feels lonely and I feel overwhelmed – like what’s inside me is simply not enough to handle the world around me. Yet, many avoid being alone like the plague. They need someone – anyone – to distract them from something. Pain? Boredom? Uncertainty? Talking to someone seems to help – except for when it just doesn’t.

Trying to share the load with someone else simply doesn’t work if we insist on still carrying all the weight. Picture this – you and a friend, carrying a sofa from one room to another. You pick up one side but only allow the friend to lay their hands lightly on the other side. You’re not alone – but you’re still isolated, still carrying the whole couch by yourself. Tell me, how’s that working for you?
What’s missing? Interdependence – being willing to trust the other person with their share of the sofa’s weight, while still being trustworthy in carrying your end. That’s the scary part, isn’t it? Daring to trust someone else while also daring to be responsible for someone else’s reciprocal trust?

People were not designed to carry the weight of life by themselves. We also weren’t designed to abdicate all responsibility, forever letting someone else work things out on our behalf. Will those we depend on disappoint us sometimes? Of course! But we disappoint ourselves almost daily, so what’s the difference? The difference is that within interdependence lies the potential for growth; the kind of growth that only comes from confronting our fears and anxieties. Fear of failure. Fear of intimacy. Fear of being really, truly known. Fear of being rejected. Fear of being let down. You know – fear of life.

Take a chance to grow in the presence of another. At least one of you is bound to grow from the experience… and both of you may even grow closer. Close enough to carry the burden together. Close enough to show how truly miniscule the source of our fear usually is, and how majestic the triumph over isolation can be.

When it comes to relationships, “anxiety and fear are feelings we will learn to tolerate, even welcome. They’re signals… that we’re growing.” Louise DeSalvo, “Writing as a Way of Healing”

Will I continue to go solo (I-solate) or dare to trust, to become interdependent with others? And if I choose to partner with you – will I insist on keeping all the decision-making power while you pay the consequences? Or will I really be a partner, one who embraces joint risk and joint growth? It all starts with me - "I".