Failing to Love

Blew it already.

So we’re barely into February and I’ve already blown my New Year’s resolution. It’s okay, I just gotta get back on that horse now…

I’ve been thinking lately about failure. Maybe because the concept is mentioned in every other magazine article I see. But it is a legitimate subject for those interested in the development of their character. How do you react to failure – your own or someone else’s? And how do I?

“Resistance is futile” say the Borg in Star Trek land. Actually, we surely should resist failure until it happens. But once it has happened, what’s the point of fretting over it? This from someone who has spent a good chunk of her life kicking herself around the block several times whenever one of her endeavors is less than a total, unqualified success. And yet, I’m learning that failure at least proves I don’t spend my life sitting on my rear, avoiding risk. Guess that’s a good thing, right?

But my character is still somewhat underdeveloped when it comes to handling the failures of others. Let’s try that again. It’s not their failures that bother me, it’s when they feel sorry for themselves afterward and I’m expected to cheer them up. “What? First you fail to help me and now I have to work to cheer you up? Really?”

When, oh when, will I be a more loving person? When will others be able to fail me AND to feel sorry for themselves and still count on receiving my forgiveness and grace and love?

So here I fail, and must resist the urge to feel sorry for myself in the midst of this love-failure. Maybe I need to make another resolution… to resolve (again) to love bigger and better. As for you, if I have failed to love you in your times of failure, please forgive me. Let us both risk again.